The age old question: does size matter?
Let’s get real – from the size of your paycheck to the size of your house; there’s a good chance women really don’t care about it.
What women look for in men is oftentimes completely different to those things keeping you up at night … your insecurities. Chances are, a lot of your self-critiques aren’t as important to women as you might think.
In this article, I’m breaking down the 10 most common male insecurities to help you gain some perspective and start focusing on what’s important.
Contents
- You Don't Make Enough Money
- Your Muscles Aren't Big Enough
- Your Penis Is Too Small
- You're Not Working 100 Hour Weeks
- You're Not An “Alpha Male”
- You're Not Smart Enough
- You're Too Short
- You're Too Nervous
- You're Not Handsome Enough
- You Don't Drive A Supercar
1. You Don't Make Enough Money
For most women, a man with an obsession for money is actually a turn-off.
The ladies want guys who are driven and interesting. Chances are, your ambition and hobbies will be more attractive than the amount of zeroes on your bank balance.
In the 21st Century, trying to pay for everything can be seen as a bad thing. After all, women have their own money to spend, just like men do.
In fact, a 2014 study by Pew Research Center shows that people generally stay within their socioeconomic status when choosing a mate.
What does this mean? Simple – most women are looking for a financial equal, not a billionaire playboy.
As ever, there are exceptions. Some women will judge a man on the size of his bank account. However, these are not the sorts of women you guys should concern yourselves with.
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2. Your Muscles Aren't Big Enough
A lack of muscles is one of the world’s most common male insecurities. For years, society has told us that big muscles are what women look for in men. However, it turns out you don't have to have a chiseled six-pack to be attractive to the opposite sex.
Guys obsessed with building muscles are always at the gym and tend to prioritize this over everything – including their partners. No woman wants to be second best in a man’s life, so a god-like physique can often be a red flag for women who want a long term relationship.
A study published in the American Journal of Psychology asked men and women to rate various male body types. The men chose a body that was, on average, 28lbs more muscular than their bodies.
In contrast – the women overwhelmingly preferred a physique that looked very much like an actual average man in their country.
To gain the attraction of a women you have to stir up some emotion within her. Conversation and body language will have far more consistent results than having big muscles.
3. Your Penis Is Too Small
Let's address the elephant in the room.
Among the most common male insecurities is the size of our penises. Since the dawn of time, a tiny pecker has been an insult among men and claiming to be a big boy has been synonymous with masculinity.
Scientific evidence contradicts that. The UCLA found that a solid 84% of women don't care about the size of a man’s member.
Furthermore, a 2015 study out of the Public Library of Science discovered that many women only associate large penis sizes with one-night stands. They preferred more ‘average' sizes in long-term partners.
The takeaway? You need to stop worrying! I know that we’ve matured into thinking penis size is what women look for in men. But the science has spoken – so you can sleep easy in your beds tonight.
4. You're Not Working 100 Hour Weeks
Some men work a 100-hour week and boast about this as if they know it’s what women look for in men.
Any partner would be proud to find a man that’s passionate about his job, but women also value a man that understands work/life balance.
If you're spending all your time at the office, your relationship will suffer.
Think about what your potential partner wants from their relationship with you. Connection, understanding, passion and support. Can a man who never leaves work provide any of these things? Think about it.
5. You're Not An “Alpha Male”
Pick Up Artists have popularized this term recently – an alpha male is supposedly dominant in every way, can seduce any woman, and never shows vulnerability.
These are ideals many men aspire to. Unfortunately for them, women don't see these as positive traits in a romantic partner.
The term ‘Alpha male' is often associated with a man who is overprotective, stubborn, insecure, unintelligent and misogynistic.
Sure, women want to feel protected, but there’s a big difference between this an a man that’s aggressive. The ’alpha’ mindset is not what women look for in men – period.
Don't be cold. Showing emotion is not a sign of weakness.
Women would rather you be emotionally open than too stoic. Many women prefer men who show intelligence, a good work ethic, responsibility, and honesty.
6. You're Not Smart Enough
Coming across as inaccessibly bright can be off-putting.
Most women don’t want to feel inferior to their partner. A man who is arrogant in his intelligence can often make women feel patronised.
That doesn’t mean you should forget your A, B, Cs and start to speak in broken English. Be yourself – if you’re smart, great! If you’re not that well-read, then that’s okay too. Just don’t make your partner feel inferior by condescending her – it’s a recipe for disaster.
Basically, women just want someone to talk to. Someone to hold a conversation with, and to be able to learn with. The key is not to focus on intelligence – instead, try to be interested in her and interesting to talk to.
7. You're Too Short
Height isn't what women look for in men – confidence is.
If you make a big deal about the fact that she's taller than you, chances are you’re gonna make her feel insecure about her own height!
It’s a common stereotype that shorter guys who are upset about their height make up for their insecurities by being loud, obnoxious, or hitting the gym too hard. Unfortunately, this can harm how women perceive you and make you look small – not in height, but in maturity.
Instead, accept who you are and be comfortable with your height. After all, it’s not like you can change it – no amount of shouting or lifting weights will make you taller. Work with what you’ve got, have confidence, and chances are women won’t even notice that you’re a little on the short side.
8. You're Too Nervous
Don't get insecure about your insecurities! Easier said than done, I know.
We all want to come off as cool and collected, but nerves are a universal human experience. Regardless of gender, race, age or culture, we all experience fear and worry.
If a man shows his vulnerabilities, 99% of women will respond with empathy and care. The 1% who won't? They’re not worth your time, gents.
I know it sounds weird, but many women see nerves as a good thing. Nerves show a man cares and is afraid to lose what he has – so don't sweat a little sweating!
If a particular worry is throwing you off your game, communicate it to your partner and talk it through. In the meantime, here are some great ways to build your confidence when you are talking to women.
9. You're Not Handsome Enough
Guys often ask the question: “Do looks matter?”
Not that I want to make all men sound like jerks, but many men judge women based on their appearance. Women, on the other hand, tend to look for a deeper connection.
What does this mean? Put simply: women are not as concerned by your physical appearance as you are by theirs.
In fact, some women even suggest that good looks in a man mean there's more of a chance of him being unfaithful to them!
I don’t know about that, but what I do now is that women want guys who can make them laugh, act confidently around them and communicate effectively with them.
Being irresistible to women isn't always about your looks!
10. You Don't Drive A Supercar
Regardless of model, age, or color – a car’s purpose is to get you from A to B in comfort. Sure, when you pull up in a nice car, you might turn a few heads temporarily. But a shiny sports car won't keep her interest for long.
Researchers from the University of Michigan found that when a man spends his cash on possessions like a flash car, women see this as a sign that he's more interested in a short-term sexual relationship than romantic commitment.
As men, we spend too much time worrying about possessions. A man who is too obsessed with his things rather than those he loves is not the sort of man who will attract a long-term relationship.
What’s the take away? Don’t worry about your motor – chances are she won’t have even noticed it. She’ll have been too busy checking you out…
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